---

Volunteer Power News — Number 40
Author: Thomas W. McKee
"Volunteer Power News" Monthly Newsletter
© 2006 Advantage Point Systems Publishing

---

A warm welcome to all volunteer managers—those of you who recruit, motivate and mobilize volunteer workers.

You are receiving this newsletter because you signed up or asked to be on the list. Please recommend this e-mail newsletter or ezine to anyone who is interested in volunteer management.

If this newsletter was forwarded to you and you'd like to receive your own personal issue each month, please subscribe to receive free tips on how to recruit, manage and motivate volunteers.

In this Issue:

1. Living up to your predecessor’s memory—Many think he/she could walk on water.
2. Dealing with a very proactive, demanding volunteer who gives you, and everyone else, orders.
3. Avoiding the “attitude trap” of volunteer management.

Workshop Suggestions for Your Volunteer Leaders

Key-Note Address Topics for Your Next Meeting

---

The following thoughts were stimulated by a letter I received several months ago. I have edited the letter to hit the high points.

Dear Tom,

Among other responsibilities I manage volunteers. I have a team leader who is a great leader, her team is the most active of the six teams I manage throughout a large portion of _________. I couldn't ask for a more involved team leader.

My problem is her attitude. She is the most demanding of all team leaders . . . .

I don't want to lose her as a team leader because she is so involved and I'm not sure a replacement would be so active, but I have just about had it with her lack of respect. I am bending over backwards for this person and yet never receive a please or thank you. I want to have a discussion with her to let her know her attitude is not acceptable, but even with all the resources at your website and others, I just can't seem to formulate something that will work well and have a positive outcome.

I've been her volunteer manager for two years. The team was very fond of my predecessor and I could tell this team leader "took one look at me" and decided not to like me. Now I know I don't need her to like me, but I do need her to treat me with respect and show some appreciation.

Can you give me some advice, please?

Thank you for considering my request,

_____ (Signed)

Answer:

I e-mailed the writer of this letter to get more information and also received permission to print the letter, anonymously. The following was my response.

Dear _______:

I believe you are dealing with three problems and often these problems are typical of the volunteer manager:

Problem One: Following a volunteer manager who everyone loved—the walking on water syndrome
Problem Two: Dealing with a very pro-active, demanding volunteer who gives you orders.
Problem Three: Dealing with an attitude

Problem One: Living Up to Your Predecessor’s Memory

I identify with this one. In my volunteer management positions I also followed fantastic leaders who everyone loved and people constantly said to me, “But Ed did it this way,” and I wanted to shout, “I’m not Ed.” The first time through I did it all wrong. I was very young and insecure. If Ed did it one way, I would do it the opposite. My first year was hell. In fact my second year wasn’t much better. It took me several years to develop trust, and when I left seven years later I became my replacement’s nightmare. But I learned my lesson and decided that the next time I would not resist someone who everyone really loved.

The second time around, I embraced my predecessor. In fact I would call him and talk with him about how he did things. I even invited him back to address our volunteers. He did. We established a great relationship and on occasion, when someone said to me, “This is the way Gordon did it,” I would call him, and we would laugh over the phone—because he was experiencing the same thing in his new position.

Now, I know that you said that you don’t know where your predecessor is or how to contact her, so I would encourage you to go with the flow. Don’t try to change everything at once and be willing to listen to the great things people say about her. Some people feel that they are disloyal to her memory if they follow you and they need time.

Problem Two: Dealing with a very pro-active, demanding volunteer

My first question to you was, “Does this volunteer leader offend her team?” You responded that she does not and in fact others seem to follow her leadership. Therefore, I am making the assumption that the person you are talking about is very effective and to lose her would be a loss to the organization, even though she is high stress to you.

Leadership is often very lonely at the top. We need affirmation and encouragement and it is nice when our followers (leadership implies that others are following) thank us and affirm our leadership. But that does not always happen.

I recently read Doris Kern Goodwin’s book, Team of Rivals, and I highly recommend this book as one of the most inspiring and insightful books on leadership that I have ever read. It is the story of Abraham Lincoln, and how he recruited a team of his rivals to lead the country during one of the most turbulent times in our history—the Civil War. One of his toughest rivals was Salmon Chase, U.S. Senator and former Governor from Ohio. However, Lincoln choose him as the Secretary of the Treasury. While Chase was on the cabinet, he fabricated false stories about Lincoln because Chase wanted to run against Lincoln again (he had lost the nomination to Lincoln) for President. And the rumors were very hurtful to Lincoln. Many of the newspapers were calling for Lincoln to fire his whole cabinet and his leadership ability was in question. But Lincoln refused to let Chase go because he had a greater mission—winning the war. Chase had the ability to raise money for the Union army, and Lincoln needed him.

I know this is hard to hear, but focus on your mission rather than receiving respect and thank yous from this volunteer. It may be her personality or it may be that she really doesn’t like you. I know that this is much easier advice to give out than to live. But there are times we need to become like the great leader Lincoln and swallow our feelings and pride.

Problem Three: Dealing with the Attitude Trap

Let me be blunt. Never, never, never try to manage attitudes. Most of us are volunteer leaders, not psychologists. There are three problems with dealing with attitudes.

The first problem of dealing with attitudes is “what is normal”.

I could have thought that Betty had a bad attitude because she came to all of our meetings late. I was the chair on a volunteer committee and Betty had a significant assignment. I value being on time because I am always on time. And since I am normal, anyone who is late is not normal. I often make the mistake of setting my “normal” self as the standard of what is the proper behavior and anyone who doesn’t measure up to my standard of “normality” has a bad attitude.

The second problem of dealing with attitudes is “assumptions”

I could have been thinking that Betty had put our committee meeting at a much lower priority and therefore she had a bad attitude. You don’t know another person’s attitude unless you are a mind reader with ESP and you can tell what is going on in a person’s head or between a person’s ears. For example, when a waitress drops a plate noisily on your table at a restaurant, the natural reaction is to comment about her attitude. But Ferdinand F. Fournies says in his book Coaching for Improved Performance, “You don’t know whether the plate was greasy, her arthritis is acting up, or her doctor has just called her with the results of a medical test.”

The third problem of dealing with attitudes is that we fail to focus on the real problem—behaviors.

When you are tempted to deal with attitude ask the question, “What is the behavior that makes me feel that the volunteer has a bad attitude?" And then deal with that behavior. Talk to the person about the behavior that is disrupting the team.

In actuality Betty was one of my best volunteers. She was late to every meeting and it drove us all crazy; however, she was so resourceful, helpful, and passionate about our mission, we always began our meeting on time without her. When Betty arrived we discussed her responsibilities and caught her up to date—with a lot of jokes about what time it was. I know that people have accused me of being an enabler; however, I sometimes felt that Betty just was hard-wired to be late. I have worked with other people who are habitually late, and I have learned to not make the mistake of trying to deal with the attitude (I wouldn’t even know where to start). I need to focus on the behavior that is causing me to think the volunteer has a bad attitude. As a volunteer manager I have to decide if the behavior is really a problem to the team, or if we can live with it to accomplish our mission. In Betty’s case, we decided that we could live with Betty’s behavior.

In your case, be very careful about assuming that this volunteer has an attitude about you. Look at her behavior that makes you think she disrespects you. It may be that she is just a very demanding personality that doesn't waste time in small talk--including a thank you or please. The fact that others are working with her tell me that they recognize this volunteer's strengths and accept her weaknesses. You need to do that also.

Perhaps this very specific advice will help

First, I would encourage you to develop a group of people that you can unload on. I found that when I met with other volunteer managers in associations, we could talk freely and get the emotional support from each other without sharing these confidences within the organization.

Second, I would encourage you not to talk with her about I her attitude. A talk like this could be very difficult for you since she is such a strong personality, and she just might tell you, "hey, get over it." If there are specific behaviors that are a problem, then talk to her about these behaviors. I would keep affirming her leadership and writing her thank-you notes, specifically mentioning her strengths and what she is doing to accomplish your mission.

Third, above all remember, respect can’t be demanded or requested. It comes with time and hard work.

Fourth, I would also encourage you to read my article, "Working with Visionaries."

Tom McKee

Volunteer Power Workshops for Your Volunteer Leaders
Consider one of the following topics (or several of the topics) for a Volunteer Power Workshop

• Passion and power: How to mobilize the power and passion of the volunteer team.
• The New Volunteer: A profile of the 21st Century Volunteer—How to recruit and manage 21st Century volunteers who want to do it their way
• Pretty Please: How to recruit today's busy person.
• Motivation is an inside job: How to create a volunteer culture that stimulates the inner motivation of the volunteer.
• Gen' Yers get involved and can make a difference: How to recruit and mobilize the Gen' Yer.
• Networking: How to develop creative networks to maximize your volunteer base.
• People get involved in causes—-not organizations: How to awaken a passion for your cause.
• Power communication: How to frame your recruitment message to specific groups.
• Position driven or people driven—there is a major difference: How to determine the position and fill that position for your leadership team
• Empowerment is not delegation: How to empower the volunteer, without going amuck (dropping the ball). How do manage visionaries with wild, outrageous ideas
• The 21st century volunteer: The old volunteer structure doesn't include the new volunteers. What structures need to change in our volunteer management programs.
• Volunteers from Hell: Managing the high maintenance volunteer. Firing the high maintenance volunteer with managing doesn't work.
• Staff/Volunteer Relationships: How to help your paid staff to work with volunteers.

Key-Note Address Topics (Adapted for your meeting)

Some Cats Got It . . . Some Cats Don’t
How to maximize the power and passion of the volunteer organization

The One Thing That All Volunteer Leaders Need to Know
How to create and cast the vision

They Don’t Play My Music Anymore
Leadership Strategies During Times of Change

The New Volunteer
New Rules for an Old Cause--Recruiting and Motivating 21st Century Volunteers Who Wants to Do It Their Way.

Call Thomas W. McKee for Information (916) 987-0359 or e-mail at Tom@volunteerpower.com

Tom McKee is a leading volunteer management speaker, trainer and consultant. You can reach Tom at (916) 987-0359 or e-mail him at tom@advantagepoint.com. Other articles and free resources are available at www.volunteerpower.com.